Finding Myself in the Outdoors

If you asked me where I’d be when I was 25 when I was 15, the answer would’ve been profoundly different than where I currently find myself. Some of that is actually good, where some of it… is merely more realistic. Where I am, though, is a good place to be — even if that means there’s some difficulties that come with it.

On the outside, I’ve appeared to live the story of Matt Damon in “Good Will Hunting”. Although, just like any Hollywood story, it’s far fetched. Yes, I did go from being a high school dropout in a low-income, poverty stricken area of Massachusetts to getting accepted into Cornell University and an Airman in the United States Air Force. Does that mean that I’ve made it?

When you’re raised on survival, there’s not much time to think about the self. In the past year (thanks to COVID), I’ve luckily had much time to think about what I really want. Courses went online, I got sent home after my first semester at Cornell, and I was back in my hometown working full time on base. At first, I was irritated that my path got disrupted. Going back home to where there was nothing for me would surely just make me regress. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Over time that proved to me that I wasn’t focusing enough on the things that matter in life: What do I like to do? If money weren’t an obstacle, what would my days consist of?

Those questions aren’t answered after a good night’s sleep. Instead, it took me almost a whole year to figure out that I absolutely hated my degree’s focus area and had zero interest making a career in any of the popular fields. Why was I selling myself on it? Money. I was becoming a different person — a person I didn’t like. Everything was about status and income. So, over the summer I began doing things I thought I would enjoy. I found that I absolutely love the outdoors — cycling, hiking, kayaking, snowboarding, name it. So much so, that I have now realized there are many careers out there that I will enjoy, what’s more important now is to find something that allows me to travel and enjoy the outdoors.

Publishing this article on Medium is new to me, as is this new found focus on who I am. To be continued…